ohana

Friday the Thirteen

2007-07-14T23:47:00.000+08:00

Friday the Thirteen came and left. Nothing unlucky happened but not exactly the best day. It's a sad day =(

Had fun at badminton today...after not playing for two weeks, it was really enjoying and very shiok to play again! The badminton group is very big today....met 3 new frens today. 2 of them are oniisan's UBS colleagues. Another is a guy that works in AIA too....apparently for 6 months but i have not seen before. But what's new...AIA so big can't possibly know everyone, plus i'm not exactly the sociable type...heeheee

The lunch group today must be one of the biggest ever...but i missed it as i went to the airport to send off my two darlings...Alison and Brina...feel bad that i din spend much time with them this time that they are here. Know that they are looking forward to meeting up...but i was told they are coming only at the last minute and i hv meetings all planned already!!! Mark is too bo chap to rem dates!!! Now bugging Mark to drive up to KL one of these wkends...at least in KL it is easier to meet them..once they go back to HK it will be harder to catch up.

Prague trip seems more or less confirm..keeping my fingers crossed. If all goes well, will be leaving 23 Aug and be back on 29 Aug....idiot Ceddy said that will be a Maddy-free wk...hahaaa...Joyce reminded me that I might miss the birth of Porky....feeling torn again =(

Oniisan told me something very meaningful today:

快乐的人不是命运已注定谁比较幸运，也没有每一天都充满快乐，但他们都学会了把忧愁缩小，把快乐放大！

Maddy got to learn not to manifest problems or troubles....take it a bit at a time and stay happy!

Gone are the stitches!!!

2007-07-12T00:22:00.000+08:00

removed my stitches today!!! It was a painless process but i was too coward to look at the nurse removing them...was literally covering my eyes with my other hand and repeatedly telling the nurse that i'm scare of the pain....hahaha such a coward! now that it is over, kinda regretted not looking at the nurse doing the work...anyway its over and an experience to remember. Took a picture of it so that i can laugh at myself many years down the road.

ugly hor...but i can live with a scar =)

it's going to rain...

2007-07-08T23:03:00.000+08:00

it's going to rain heavily tonight...thank goodness and hopefully the rain will break the dry spell..makes it cooler later. Hv to thank Mark for the rain as he washed his car today...and it always rains after he has washed his car...heeheee =P

eventful wkend...watched Dim Sum Dollies with my gal friend Samantha on Sat. wasn't really looking forward to it realli but it turned out to be quite good. very funnie with all the subtle jokes about things that r happening locally as well as overseas...not bad for local musical....will definitely look out for their nxt production.

One more happy thingy...managed to get my Hacken Lee concert tickets!!! now only need to book the coach and hotel and i will be off to Genting to watch him in action....looking forward to it =)

however, the concert falls on 28 July and i did tell oniisan that i will support him at his badminton tournament...oops...sorrie oniisan! =(

had a jc gathering today to celebrate Francis birthday and also farewell for Zhicheng who is going to work in Dubai. feels sad that ZC is leaving as not sure when he will be back to singapore but happy that he is finally able to do what he like and not be stuck in a job that he absolutely hated. shall not dwell more on it as reminds me of how dreadful it will be if oniisan gets posted overseas....sigh

Finally gotten my vacumn cleaner for the house...latest addition to my home...looks ugly but supposed to be really good at killing dust mites...heeheee....going to try it out...all the dust mites better watch out!!! stay away from my shoes!!!!

Sometimes to love means to let go...

2007-07-04T09:44:00.001+08:00

as we grow older and realise that not everything will go according to our wishes...it is indeed very true that to love doesn't necessarily mean to hold on...sometimes it means letting go.

2007-07-01T22:32:00.000+08:00

boring weekend is coming to an end...not that i feel any better that tomorrow is the start of another terrible work week. feeling monday blues already...

less than a week and i'm already losing my appetite from eating the same type of food...sigh...no seafood, no black stuff, no duck, no goose and no EGGGGG!!!! arrrrghhhh...

plenty of sleep though as mark says that will help my wound to recover faster...seems to be working. better get well soon...if not will be missing out on lots of fun...not supposed to stay out in the sun too long and sweat too much too. hopefully one week later the wound would hv healed considerably well enough for me to get more active.

finally see some progress with my organ lesson.....all thanks to Joyce! Learned how to play Clementine today...mark helped a little with the proper fingering etc etc etc...sounded him out on the piano again and he dun seems to hv much objections...heehee...but then again silence doesn't always mean consent =P

anyway its great to play Clementine on my own...an extremely simple piece of music but somehow kind of touched me a bit.

Another new addition to my home....the microwave that I have been eyeing!! Nxt week will be fun as i experience some cooking with my new microwave...

my thots are very scattered today...a bit preoccupied..sigh...time will heal everything and anything...be patient Maddy

2007-06-30T23:13:00.000+08:00

la la la la......la la.....Mark is back!!!

2007-06-30T23:07:00.000+08:00

Was telling Mark about my recent emotional discovery about changes and he told me this:

As a friend, we can choose to tell our friend, especially one who is dearly close to us that we notice a change in them, but we have no right to be judgemental and decide whether the change is good or not good. It is up to this friend to decide for himself whether the change is good or not.

Well...not that i feel any better about my friend changing but what Mark said is very very true. I shall always bear that in mind. I guess everyone of us is changing everyday...even myself. By being so emotional about it does not help the relationship, it will only push friends apart eventually. However, whether it is good or bad, I will have to trust that the true bond will never change and if I remain supportive and true to the friendship, true bond shall never break.

haiz...that's what ohana is all about right....no one gets left behind or forgotten.

Maddy Maddy....be sure to remember that all the time.

Sorry Kai Hon.

My first stitches

2007-06-28T10:27:00.001+08:00

Three external and one internal stitches....my new tattoo...= P

But the doc must have failed art and home economics in school...the stitches are so ugly.

I'M BLESSED

2007-06-26T23:14:00.000+08:00

i'm afraid of what is to come tomorrow but i feel very blessed now as several people have deeply deeply touched me today.

My beloved Mark who is working hard overseas but has never stopped thinking about me. Love you much baby...miss u terribly.

My sisters Joyce and Jacqueline who have been quietly concerned and worried about me and my well being. THANK YOU!!! I know I'll always have both of u to fall back on.

Kai Hon oniisan who takes care of me while Mark is away.....or rather always look out for me....thanks brother for making time to accompany me even though this is a stressful week for you.

Edmund who has insisted on taking leave tomorrow to accompany me despite his super busy work schedule and tight deadline. Thanks Ed...really touched but I would really feel bad to hold u back at work and make u wake up so early.

Cedric who has also volunteered to take a day off to accompany me...knowing i'm stressed and worried, take the time to chat with me despite being ill himself. Pls take care yourself and get well soon. The devil mentor must be healthy and strong to teach me all the evil tricks.

Serene who has sent me an email all the way from Kyoto to wish and encourage me. Thanks gal for having me in your thoughts while you are on holiday.

Ching Ching who came all the way from Paya Lebar during lunch to pass me some post surgery medical stuff. Thank you for making the effort and reassuring me whenever i want to back out of this.

what more can i say...i'm blessed. Thank God for that. =)

2007-06-25T12:19:00.000+08:00

feeling very very very troubled today....its been a long time since i last felt this way....the feeling is difficult to describe....just very unsettled and frustrated. Perhaps its time to start praying again.

mayb coz mark is not around thus feeling a little lost...he left for biz trip yesterday and will only be back on Friday. its only a few days but i really missed him a lot already....dun like to be alone..not at this time

got to go for my op on Wed morning...really dread going for it. More afraid of the pain than anything. Everytime i think about it i could feel butterflies in my tummy...those who know about it told me it is not painful..at most feel sore...i certainly hope so.

its been difficult for me the past two weeks. dunno whether it is because i worry unduly or there's really cause for worrying. Feels like i'm going crazy..if this go on I think i will breakdown soon. getting a little unreasonable lately and this is starting to strain my relationship with my best fren. i also dunno what is wrong just cannot seems to be myself. i'm not normally this way but i hv been very paranoid with people around me lately. always seems to suspect that they r leaving me...should i just bottle it away or should i hv a good talk? I think i should constantly tell myself not to be paranoid...there are so many people who love me dearly and are worried about me

despite all that, i must admit that i've been a little disappointed with one person lately. he has not been able to understand my worries and comfort me when i needed him most. i know he is equally frustrated, angry and disappointed in me lately cos of my recent many quarrels with him...i know i confused and frustrated him quite a lot but had expected our bond to be stronger so that we can withstand all these quarrels. But instead i realise he is not as eager to resolve problems (mayb he din think there's any problems in the first place) between us...mayb coz he is very busy, tired or mayb it is just not as important to him. even if he thinks there's no problem, i had tot he should at least talk it through with me. we have not had a serious heart to heart talk yet...it has always been rather one-sided thus far...well...it takes two hands to clap...i know it is bad to leave problems unsolved as it may result in more misunderstanding in time to come but there's only so much i can do. if it is the way it is supposed to be...i shall just have to accept it. pressing on will only push him further.

my greatest wish now is that things do not change between us...we will always remain the best of frens..we will always be each other's ohana. I shall include that in my prayer too. If he whom i trust most among my frens were to change, then i guess there's not much i can hope for in friendship anymore.

feel a lot better after penning down all my thoughts.

silly me silly me

2007-06-22T12:55:00.000+08:00

ced told me i should just be who i m....even if i like to be silly...i should just be. So we r both going to be silly and crazy...

gained some wisdom but lost a tiny piece of my heart

2007-06-22T12:23:00.000+08:00

m starting to wonder whether i'm unreasonable.

y does it seems like i'm the only one who's anxious about things, changes etc

seems to hv problem communicating my thoughts to him as he dun think that my concerns are justifiable...is it just a matter of seeing things from different perspective? m i worrying too much like he said?

But it is true that there are differences in behaviour and attitude, but could they just be another passing phase?

I was told that what's most important is his heart and that i should know what lies in his heart...do i or do i not...feeling confused...as much as i know he loves me dearly as a sister, sometimes his actions speak otherwise...no reply to my sms, we r not talking as much these days..etc...all these little things that girls would notice but guys probably would not notice or simply shrug it off.

all i ask for is simply reassurance, be more patient and open with me...is that too much to ask for? but i was told that being expressive is not a daily thing and at times when it happens, it is coz he was in the right mood to. I hope i din interpret wrongly but this is so hurting. doesn't it all come from his heart....why is it dependent on mood...shouldn't it be geniune?

y can't he try seeing things from my perspective...i know he's upset with my qns and doubts and i can understand why he is upset....so why can't he understand where i'm coming from...

sometimes i wonder whether this will go anyway...maybe soon we will simply drift apart like all frens do.....mayb its my fault that i dun trust him enuf...the sense and fear of loss is simply too great.

perhaps its not a blessing to be close to me...perhaps i just cannot bring myself to trust another person...perhaps i'm just too afraid of changes and people leaving...

where did the trusting Maddy go...=.. (

2007-06-17T00:37:00.001+08:00

hahahaaa...decided to post my last entry in super huge font...so fun

Sat is gone just like that....

2007-06-17T00:07:00.000+08:00

haiyo....so fast sat is over....time really flies...

started the day early with badminton..din play much as feeling quite tired..guess still groggy from the flu medicine. Had great lunch with the kakis...ate at AMK hub today.

Decided to go shopping after lunch at compasspoint as wanted to get a dress and some wound dressing stuff in preparation for the surgery. A dress i found and bought...along with another jacket suit from G2000...heeheee...also bought another skirt...oh most important Mark has finally bought a new pair of pants...its about time....hmmm...retail therapy =)

Seems to hv bought quite a number of things today...toiletries, clothes..finally gotten the cute red mushroom toothpick dispenser from Action City. As usual spent some time cuddling the mushroom cushions and big red mushroom eggy at minitoons too...once again resisted the temption to get one. = P

Good that i hv managed to accomplish so much in the afternoon...hvn't shopped that long in ages. Had a wonderful dinner with Mark and his dad at this fusion restaurant that is tucked away in Seletar Hills...its called Bistro Cafe. Have western, local and indian cuisine....we were a bit sceptical initially about the quality of the food since they are selling so many types of cuisine but the food was surprisely good...infact very good! We tried all three types of cuisine...Mark with his fish and chip (what's new heehee), dad with indian tandoori and me with my seafood noodle......yummmy....all three were delicious. We were really impressed with the chef and would definitely go back again. The owner of the restaurant did not spare any expenses in doing up the place....cozy and well furnished with paintings, nice wooden furnitures, table linens etc etc. They have big tables that can hold up to 8 pax and i'm sure more if they join the smaller tables...seems like a good choice for future gatherings. Perhaps should bring the hougang gang or ZY and Ced there some day....

since i'm talking about food now....started experimenting different cooking style with spaghetti again....love spaghetti and ate a few times this week. Hvn't cooked fried spaghetti with seafood for a long time...decide to try again this wk. First try wasn't that good....lost touch le....2nd try was much much better....fried with prawns (oooo...my favourite seafood!) Think i shd cook more often at home....thinking of cooking curry nxt....should practise more. Hvn't cooked chilli crab for quite some time, so maybe should do so one wkend but need to buy live crab from the market. Perhaps should plan a seafood feast...but oops...forgot surgery coming up soon...either hv to be next wkend or after july...sigh....okie shall stick back to meat for the time being. I shall perfect my curry while i'm recuperating then....haiz

More shopping after dinner....went to little india with mark to look for his batik shirt....managed to find a pretty nice one that has short sleeves. He needed another one with long sleeves but we couldn't find it. Started pouring heavily all of the sudden and traffic became quite chaotic near mustafa (which is our intended destination to look for the shirt) so decided to abandon our mission and come home. Both of us got caught in the rain too....but at least the weather is much much cooler now. Poor mark is now back at his own home to do some work.....

What a day....shopping from 3pm all the way to 11pm.....not quite sure what dressings stuff i might need so may need to buy again. Mark may need to buy some stuff for his trip too...will only know what he lacks after he has packed his bag.

Another prayer for my loved one....

2007-06-13T22:32:00.000+08:00

poor joyce...another disappointment for her. i hate it when things dun run smoothly for her.

No matter what happen, my only wish for her is that she stays strong...hang in there and dun give up on her dreams! WE (me, Mark and ah bee) LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!!!

God, pls pls pls be kind to her and grant her all her wishes and dreams.

simple solutions in a complicated world

2007-06-13T09:26:00.000+08:00

started the day on a bad note...feeling terrible now.

the flu is not getting better and this morning woke up with a cough...wonder what will come next.

din sleep well last nite becoz there were lots of things on my mind. many issues to think through, reflect on etc etc...what should i do moving forward. guess i've more or less made up my mind. may not be the best decision but at least what i think is best for me now..

many questions without any answers, many doubts without clarifications. i hate uncertainties, i hate doubts, i hate assumptions....y can't everything be made simpler by having everyone more open with each other. happy say so, not happy say so...why must i always second guess what others' thinking.

i hate grey area...black is black, white is white...as simple as that. why should i assume that i'm being missed, why should i assume that i'm being thought of, why should i assume that i'm being loved...i'm not someone with super great self esteem to always assume all of the above is true, neither am i a mind-reader...most of all, i hv not been told that i've been missed, thought of or loved.

with uncertainties come doubts...many thoughts hv crossed my mind: perhaps i'm not that important after all, i'm not being missed, maybe there are many others like me, mayb i'm being too sticky, mayb i'm being too imposing, mayb i dun hv a right to demand all these, who m i in the first plc, mayb i'm simply not important enough to be worth the effort or treasured enough to be worth changing for.

aiyah!!! hate to hv so many negative thoughts all the time. giving is a joy but only when there's no expectations. mayb i should not have any expectations at all....but can i achieve that...its tough but i will try.

2007-06-11T12:44:00.000+08:00

can't believe i'm doing this during a workday...heehee

just feel so sian at work and badly need to take a break..sigh...slept really late last nite and din sleep well so got a sore neck.

this wkend seems especially short. Rushing here and there on sat, had to rush home to prepare for the wedding after badminton, followed by many inpromptu 'tasks' during the wedding, din help that i had a one-sided headache that wun go away even after i have taken panadol. Thank goodness the wedding dinner ended early (before 10pm!) the shortest i have ever been to probably coz its a western dinner. wanted to give up watching my korean dvd to have a good sleep but unfortunately received a SOS call from my sis to take my mum to the doc....she had gastric flu too. gosh...must hv gotten it from me...the virus seems quite strong, passed from me to Mark (poor fella vomitted so many times last week) then to my colleague Serene and now to mummy. now i feel kinda strong though since all i got was gastric and nauseousness for two days. by the time i got home and settle down to sleep...it was almost two.

of cos i compensated myself by sleeping till almost noon on sun =P

however, no lazing around or watching my korean drama since this is the last wkend for me to evacuate my room....spent the whole day packing and throwing stuff...think the cleaner must be scolding me for throwing out so many junks all in a day!

not quite done yet...still got my books (tons and tons of them) and my wardrobe (whatever remaining clothes i have there)...almost there almost there....nxt wkend i'm going to pamper myself for the hardwork by spending a day doing all the things that i like =)

as the day draw nears i'm getting more and more afraid...silly of me to be afraid of such a small surgery but my threshold of pain is very low and never had stitches before....plus hear all the scary stuff about infections, procedures etc etc...sigh...hopefully this is the only time i need to go under the knife...if the result is benign then no more surgery...dun intend to remove the rest unless doc says so....keeping my fingers crossed.

nice of ZY to call to ask me if i want to join him and his frens for a drink on sat....a pity i hv to be at the wedding dinner...otherwise may join him if ced is going too. its fun to go out with them, no stress, no worries, can let my guard down. its nice of both of them to stay in touch with me too while oniisan is away, they probably are scared that i'll be bored....mayb should ask them out for dinner this wk....they always make me laugh. But i'll probably miss oniisan more if i meet them coz usually if i hang out with the two funnie guys, oniisan is always around...watever, its only a wk more

still nice to know that they bother to keep in touch with me, whether its out of their own will or coz oniisan asked them to...just same silly me again, easily touched....anyway, thanks to both of them although they wun get to see my blog and THANKS to ZY for his encouragements on sat...hahaa....i din fall and manage to pull through without any hiccups = P

almost 2pm now....will go back early today to catch up on my korean drama...heeheee...

Exam on a Sun?!?!?!

2007-06-03T08:45:00.000+08:00

Oniisan and Zhiyou are taking their CFA exam today......and the exam starts at 8.30am and ends at 5.30pm!!!

I know its absolutely crazy to take such a long exam on a SUNDAY..but...pls blessed them with wisdom, energy and good results.

My Prayers

2007-05-29T01:21:00.000+08:00

Please bless my daddy with good health
Please bless my daddy with speedy recovery
Please don't let the nightmares begin again
Please let my prayers come true...

2007-05-24T10:52:00.000+08:00

it is so difficult to hold back tears....trying very hard every minute.

2007-05-22T20:27:00.000+08:00

13 july =(

2007-05-20T23:40:00.000+08:00

i think there's something wrong with me. Perhaps I just need my sanity back.

panic attack again....

breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply, breathe deeply.

just let go, just let go, just let go.....let it be, let it be, let it be....

my beloved kong kong

2007-05-20T22:59:00.000+08:00

miss u so much....

My Kitties

2007-05-20T22:39:00.001+08:00

The little brown tabby on the left is Brownie (now he looks like a tiger ah!) The sweet white kitty on the right is Xiao Bai. She's Ms Ya Ya as she doesn't like anyone to cuddle her but she never fails to give me a kiss whenever I ask for one = )

That sweetie pie on the left is Batman (not difficult to see why we named him that). He had a little black mole near his lip and little pink nose. Super blur but very sweet natured kitty...even when he was suffering in pain from the ruptured tumour which according to the vet, was congenital. Din get to see him for the last time as he passed away at the vet's clinic before I could rush there in time. Still remember standing in the middle of Vivo City in Dec last year crying my heart out when Joyce called me to break the news to me. Sounds dramatic yah but I just couldn't hold back my tears when I saw the MMS photo which Joyce sent me with him lying weakly in the cage that has special oxygen supply. Miss you terribly Batman! I'm sure Brownie and Xiao Bai do too.

Little Cute Aaron

2007-05-20T22:34:00.000+08:00

emotionally drained

2007-05-20T15:03:00.000+08:00

Something unpleasant happened this week.

Got involved in a quarrel with a JC fren over the msn this week. What started out as a quarrel between three parties (me, my galfriend and another JC classmate) quickly got blown out of proportion and eventually the entire clique, or rather almost entire clique got drawn in.

I got too emotional and carried away when i was embroiled in a misunderstanding that threatened my reputation. Whether it was an intentional or unintentional misunderstanding, I din like being accused of something I have not done. What irked me most is that when i tried to confront this fren to clarify the misunderstanding, he totally ignored me and refused to do anything to clear the air. That's why I feel that it was an intentional misunderstanding, mayb not deliberately created to get me in trouble (i certainly hope so) but simply meant to achieve a purpose, only that it is at my expense.

My misunderstanding with this fren was just a little episode in this whole incident. It was basically two (me and my galfriend) vs my jc classmate. I have to admit I do feel a bit guilty about this as my classmate, no doubt he may be a little irritating and conceited, we have been frens for ten yrs after all and he did not really do anything wrong against us.

I could have tried to prevent all these by stopping my galfriend from pursuing the matter but I did not. As the rest of the clique got pulled into this we see some of our frens stepping forward to mediate this dispute while some prefers to stay neutral and out of this as much as possible. It is interesting to think back now on the roles each of us play in this incident. Of coz, throughout the whole saga, I wasn't as clear headed as I should be. Nontheless, I was glad we managed to put a stop to this "quarrel" before things really get out of hand. Many thanks to ZC, who was trying so hard to contain the whole matter and keep anyone from exploding. If it wasn't for him, I dun think I would hv been so willing to let it rest. Not that i'm being spiteful or quarrelsome, I just dun like to be accused.

Retrospectively, the whole incident really seems rather insignificant. It was after all a petty or childish quarrel over nothing. BUT, what's interesting is the reflection of human nature that is enlightening. I related the whole incident to my bro (who IS PART OF THIS CLIQUE as much as he tries to dissociate himself) and he sees it from a totally different point of view, which seems very scary if what he sees is proven to be true. What seems like an innocent petty quarrel could be an attention seeking ploy orchestrated by someone for some reason which I cannot comprehend or ever think of. I know my brother only wants to let me see a clear picture of what mayb the truth behind the whole incident but I find it quite hard to believe such things could be happening. I know that some truths cannot be denied especially when there are already so many pieces of the puzzle that fit but it is a very disappointing and disheartening truth which i hope i can deny for as long as i can.

Incidentally, when I shared everything with Mark, he sees it the same way as my bro and much worse. He painfully pointed out to me what a hypocritical group of frens i have. Frens who have called each other good frens for ten yrs but never hesitated to spill each other secret or laugh and mock one another behind their backs. Frens who do not have the guts to confront each other when there's any problem or misunderstanding. I felt quite ashamed when Mark pointed out all these. At that moment, I felt very sorry for myself. While the six of us JC classmates held a meeting on msn to discuss this incident (our weak attempt at trying to resolve it), the same could hv happened several years back among the same few of them (perhaps not tat many) to discuss my possible betrayal of ZC. In the same way, one of them could have mistaken that I had betrayed ZC but never had been friend enough to confront me about it or clarify this misunderstanding. Instead, small discussions were formed and this doubt would hv been planted in everyone's heart. Geniune friends would have been concerned and spoken up for me, some may simply try to stay neutral again and listen to this piece of gossip like it is just but another juicy news. Nonetheless, at the end of the day, no one had the balls to talk to me about this. If not for my dear bro, I probably would not have known who are my true frens.

What Mark says is very true, true frens would never hesitate to break a bad news no matter how painful it is. True frens would never hesitate to scold or scream at you for a mistake you have done. True frens who love you would never hide things from you just so that you will not get hurt. Again, he reminded me that I have many fair weather frens, whom he thinks will not stand by me when I'm in need. Among my frens that he know, he could only count 2 whom he feels he could trust to stand by me during difficult times and they are Chuan-Hao and my bro. I dunno whether to feel sad that I only hv 2 or feel happy that I have at least 2.

I asked Mark a question which for once he had no reply for me. I asked him whether true friendship really exist. ZC is leaving soon to pursue a new life and career overseas. He may not come back in the near future. As I was lamenting on the fact that good frens are leaving me, i was also thinking on the other hand whether they are really good frens. I told Mark frankly that my faith in friendship is diminishing by the day. Maybe I should not have opened up my heart so easily. The next person to leave in my life will probably be my bro. One whom I have grown very attached to these days, one whom I trust most other than my own family, one whom I consider part of ohana. I feel sad the same way I would be if Joyce were to leave me to study overseas. Sad that these loved ones may leave and never come back. As I grow, I realise that I'm not as strong as I thought I m. Maybe because I have so few thus I dread losing loved ones. The sadness is suffocating.

Again as I wonder whether my kinship with my bro would withstand all changes and stay true to the end of time, Mark reminded me that people do change. I guess i have to accept that whether i like it or not. But i will not allow myself to distance myself for fear of getting hurt. After all, if i dun treasure what i have not, i may never get the chance again. Life is too short to hesitate.

2007-05-11T00:26:00.000+08:00

STUPID! taken for granted!!!

2007-05-11T00:16:00.000+08:00

boing boing boing....! feels like going to the beach....looking forward to the sea but not the sun and the heat though....going crazy....boing boing boing!

A silly entry by maddy

2007-05-10T23:09:00.000+08:00

The week is finally coming to an end...the weekend is coming again = )

Last weekend was interesting as I watched the Aviva Open live at the indoor stadium with Joyce..both the semi-final and final. Sat quite near the front for the semi-final but not all the matches were interesting...was actually dozing off halfway through some of the matches, can't quite remember which ones. To prevent myself from falling asleep I decided to read my book for a while...those uncles sitting around me must be thinking what a weird girl! Aiyah....had a tiring week and not enough sleep...at least I managed to catch some of the more exciting matches. The highlight was supposed to be Singapore's Ronald Susilo....but sad to say, disappointing...he lost to the Thai Boonsak....hmmm....who looked stunning when he smashes....impressive.

Some photos from the finals...taken by Joyce:

Anyway, took my first photo with my nephew on Sunday! Here's Porky Bau and Me!

Took a picture with Mark too...which he insisted that I crop before posting on my blog but I refused to do so....bleah!

terrible work week

2007-05-05T12:46:00.000+08:00

work has been terrible this whole week....simply too much work and totally overwhelming!

Got to keep going...things will improve in two weeks time! GO GO GO!!!

What is the meaning of friendship?

2007-05-03T00:17:00.000+08:00

As I grow older, I began to question the true meaning of friendship. When I was much younger, friendship means sharing secrets, forming alliances, wearing the same brands or type of clothes...basically being identical. Whenever friends quarrel, the most common words we throw at each other are simply "I don't want to friend you anymore". Then, the meaning of friendship may seems superficial, a little childish but simple.

As we grow up, being identical seems wrong as each of us want to stand out among the group. We no longer want to buy the same type of clothes, we no longer see things in the same way...which I suppose is normal as no two people can or have to think alike. Yet as we mature, our thinking are not simple anymore. Differences, jealousy, competitiveness, comparison....and most scary of them all, mind games The question here is why must these exist between true friends.

I have discovered lately that some people whom I have perceived all these years to be true to me are not. Disappointment, sadness, hurt and...ironically blessed as someone told me that I should feel fortunate to discover this earlier and not later. Overnight, my old friends 'downgraded' to just an acquaintance or as better described by that same someone, fair-weather friends.

Do I think this way? I really don't know. I'm confused. I'm sad. I'm trying to not think about it. After all, maybe the one question we should ask is: Are there such things as true friendship? Maybe not after all...

Love oneself as no one can love you more than you do.

Nobody's Child

2007-03-01T00:37:00.000+08:00

I was slowly passing an orphan's home one day
And stop there for a moment just to watch the children play
Alone a boy was standing and when I asked him why
He turned with eyes that couldn't see and he began to cry.

I'm nobody's child I'm nobody's child
I'm like a flower just growing wild
No mommy's kisses and no daddy's smiles
Nobody wants me I'm nobody's child.

I just can't seem to understand why the folks all pass me by
'Cause I know that it's true that God takes little blind children with him in the sky
And they tell me that I'm oh so pretty and they seem to like my big curls of gold
But then they take some other little child and I'm left here all alone.

People come for children and take them to their own
But they all seem to pass me by and leave me here alone
I know they'd like to take me but when they see I'm blind
They always take some other child and I am left behind.

No mother's arms to hold me or soothe me when I cry
Sometimes it gets so lonely here I wish that I could die
I'd walk the streets of heaven where all the blinds can see
And just like for the other kids there'd be a home for me.

I'm nobody's child I'm nobody's child
I'm like a flower just growing wild
No mommy's kisses and no daddy's smiles
Nobody wants me I'm nobody's child...

Beautiful Poem - I'll Always Be Here For You

2007-03-01T00:23:00.000+08:00

I cannot ease your aching heart,
Nor take your pain away.
But let me stay and take your hand,
And walk with you today.

I'll listen when you need to talk,
I'll wipe away your tears.
I'll share your worries when they come,
I'll help you face your fears.

I'm here and I will stand by you,
Each hill you have to climb.
So take my hand, let's face the world
Live one day at a time.

You're not alone, for I'm still here,
I'll go that extra mile.
And when your grief is easier,
I'll help you learn to smile!

Amazingly clean desk!!!

2007-02-27T00:47:00.000+08:00

Almost forgot about my amazingly clean desk....only see it once a year this way. I'm so proud of myself and for those who have seen my work desk, I'm sure you are proud of me too =)

Roller Coaster

2007-02-25T22:44:00.000+08:00

Wow....so many things happened in the last 10 days.

Had a tiring but happy Chinese New Year holidays. Had so many CNY dinners, lo hei, steamboats, CNY goodies....time to go on diet! Will officially start after the 15 days of CNY.

My own home is almost ready too...the bed, sofa and TV came yesterday. So pleased with both sofa (its a black sofa bed!!) and bed...extremely comfortable and cozy!!! The next furniture i'm looking for is a TV console...something small and preferably black...went to both courts and ikea at tampines but cannot find anything that we like. I guess the poor TV has to sit on the floor for the time being. Can't wait to equip my kitchen! Once my kitchen is fully equiped with all the cooking stuff, I will start inviting my frens over for gatherings...looking forward to that =)

Joyce turned 20 on 22 Feb!! HA HA HA....signals the end of her "teen" years! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU my dear sis!!! Have not bought her any present, not sure what she wants yet so waiting for her to tell me. Meanwhile, organised a family steamboat dinner to celebrate for her. Everything's prepared by me! Too much food but everyone's happy. Followed by a delicious birthday cake from Awfully Chocolate...Chocolate Rum & Cherry...yummy! Joyce loves the cake! What a happy day!

Something hurting happened again during this 10 days...but i shall choose to ignore it as best as i can...sad that it has changed things between my best buddy and me. But I can still choose to be happy no matter what. Relationships do change and people do change or fall short of expectations. One thing i learnt is that if i can learn not to hv any expectations, i will be a much happier person. It's very difficult to do so but i will try my best....nonetheless, he's still my best buddy and brother!

2007-02-16T02:38:00.000+08:00

din enjoy myself today...absolutely not = (

14 February 2007

2007-02-14T23:37:00.000+08:00

Just had a delicious 4 course seafood dinner with MarkMark at Prima today to celebrate Valentine's Day. Greedy me decide to order my fav eggy dish on top of the set dinner....toooooo much food!!! This is Mark's 1st visit to the Prima Revolving Restaurant and both of us enjoyed the view. Had a fun time observing the loading and unloading of containers on ships too.

Understand from Mark that we r supposed to eat at another restaurant but his reservation was on waiting list....wonder where is that...Mark refused to tell me in case he decides to bring me there on another special occasion..so secretive. Nonetheless, THANK YOU baby for making this day so special for me. I LOVE YOU!!!

Went on long car ride after dinner since there's no where else we can go in Singapore at 10pm...revisited some of the places we have explored before near Choa Chu Kang...creepy but fun! Used to be a lot more eerie 2 yrs ago but since then, the roads have been upgraded and the surrounding more well maintained...a lot more commercialised now with all the farms and developments.

A happy day for me and I'm sure many other couples. But I have a very very close fren...my oniisan that is sad on this day. Feel sad for him too and I hope time will heal all his wounds. It's his birthday tomorrow and I wish him all the happiness in this world! Hope that he will always be surrounded by his loved ones.

Valentine's Day is over now...just past midnight...looking forward to CNY now...

A Sudden Morbid Thot...

2007-02-14T15:48:00.000+08:00

A weird thot came to me suddenly...will i be missed after i leave this world?

haPpY vAlenTine'S dAY....

2007-02-14T02:05:00.000+08:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!! Spent the first hour of Valentine's Day digging thru the dusty pile in my room...still not done with my spring cleaning..think i'll just lock my door this CNY.

Quite excited about Valentine's Day and looking forward to the surprise Mark is preparing. Have absolutely no idea where we are going for dinner tomorrow....hmmmm.....curious curious curious....

It's going to be beezee in the office as everyone's rushing to clear all the backlog for CNY, not forgetting clearing up their desk to welcome the NEW YEAR. Better finish any outstanding work so that I can have a peaceful CNY and not have clients coming after me when I get back to work. It's going to be challenging to clean up my desk though....where m i going to store or hide the stacks of documents!!! maybe i should just shred everything away....heeeheeee...brilliant idea!

Going to sleep now...like Mark says, need to let my body rest so that I can rejuvenate and the bruises can heal faster. The patches of bruises are turning more blueish now = more obvious. It's quite hard to miss such huge bruises. perhaps i should really consider the Zambuk....haiz..

What A Clumsy Week!

2007-02-12T23:37:00.000+08:00

What a clumsy week! what's new yah....walked into my own room door and has to live with a bump on my forehead over the weekend and on Monday, first day of the week...I had to roll a few steps down the stairs. Now I have to live with more bruises. Arrgggh...so embarrassing....better recover by CNY. Looks like my world not getting better.

My First Posting!!!

2007-02-12T02:18:00.000+08:00

ahha my first blog posting! Inspired by my sister Joyce to start my own blog...and also realised lately what a lonely world this is...hopefully with my own blog, I can create a better place for myself.